Mantras and Money

[swestrup]

I'm going to let the world in on a secret. I've never told anyone this, but its not something that I'm particularly trying to hide: I have a phrase that keeps going through my head. Its like a mantra in that it repeats and repeats throughout my waking moments. Whenever I shift mental gears, I hear the mantra. Whenever I try NOT to think about something, I hear the mantra. Whenever I have nothing in particular to think about, I hear the mantra.

Now, the mantra isn't fixed, and it has been many different phrases over the years. I don't remember when I first noticed it, but I'm fairly sure I didn't have it before moving to Montreal at age 13. I know its been stupid phrases like "I hate purple!", and denigrating phrases like "You're no good!" and many others.

A number of years ago I learned that I could, with some mental effort, change the phrase to whatever I wanted, so long as it was short. Since I've heard folks say that you can achieve your goals by repeating an aphorism about them, I did an experiment about 3 years ago and set it to "I want money". I thought it might help motivate me to get rich, since I like money but it never seems to motivate me much.

Well, since then I've varied it a bit. It has been "I need money" and is currently set at "I wish I had money". You'll note that the last three years have NOT been ones in which I've felt particularly motivated to go out and get money, so I have real doubts how well this idea has worked. The thing is, I often don't notice the mantra, since its there all the time and hovers at the edges of my conciousness. As a result I often forget to modify it if things don't change.

Anyway, on Friday I was walking along the very pleasant path from Lionel Groulx metro station to the house of thebabynancy and enjoying the views. I'm sure I heard the mantra a few times during that walk, although I don't really remember it. What I do remember was getting to my destination and thinking that I was about to go up and ring the doorbell. I would then be greeted by good friends and spend the evening in a state of Happy Inebriation.

Just then, my Mantra went off, but to my astonishment, it had changed, all by itself. I heard the voice inside my head say, in tones of awe: "God, I'm rich!"

Since then, my Mantra has been much subdued. I have heard the "I wish I had money" only once or twice this weekend and it sounded without conviction. Maybe its time to change the mantra again, and maybe I already know what it should change to, thanks to my friends.

Comments

[auriam.livejournal.com]

You know, that makes me feel really encouraged and happy for you.. I have awful "mantras" that go through my head all the time too; sometimes it taunts me with unpleasant ideas like "You're no good, you're evil, you're the worst person in the world," etc, sometimes it's just phrases that get stuck in there because they're interesting or they link to a logic path I'm running through over and over..

Frequently it's a song or part of a song - often, interestingly enough, one that has some clue to how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking about, subconsciously. Like, right now it's part of Laurie Anderson's song "Ramon" from Strange Angels. The phrase is "...and they were spirals turning, turning in the deep blue night." - obviously, a reference to my stargazing walk that I just returned from ;).

But often my "song buffer" taunts me with songs that refer to unpleasant thoughts I'm having, or my worries, etc. Sometimes it's quite surprising what it comes up with as "theme music"; I can't believe how many songs and tracks my brain has in there. I hope they come up with external memory storage soon, or I'm going to fill up my head ;)

[auriam.livejournal.com]

And I seem to remember a famous quote that says something about how "the man who has good friends is truly rich."

[blacksquiggles.livejournal.com]

I wish I was less sick and less medicated. I would respond a little better. In DBT we call these "cheerleading statements" I had three myself, anytime a negative, self deprecating thought came into my head I would counter it with one of my cheerleading statements. I can't possibly explain how much this has changed me. They're never "I think" "I can be" they're always "I am"