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I went to bed around 2:00 am, but couldn't sleep. Too much going on in my head.

I went for a long walk today, in search of a coffee shop wherein to kill a few hours until I could meet up with [livejournal.com profile] taxlady for supper. I hadn't given a lot of consideration to my route, just followed the metro line under the assumption that there had to be a coffee shop along there somewhere. Then, suddenly I discovered that I was at Cote Ste. Catherine metro, a place I strongly associate with visiting [livejournal.com profile] denizsarikaya when she was alive and just a short block from the place where she died.

I felt my throat constricting when I saw the metro. I hadn't realized that seeing it again would have that kind of effect on me. I kept walking and a few blocks later started to feel better, but those feelings all came back when I lay down to sleep tonight.

I figured I would play some solitaire while listening to music to lull me back to sleep, but one of the first songs that came up on random shuffle was "I Ain't Missing You", which has become inextricably linked in my mind to denzo's passing last year. I sat and cried as the song played; the first time I've cried for her in months.

I am now in even worse shape emotionally than I was before. I don't think I'll be falling asleep any time soon so I may as well go get myself a cup of coffee and pretend my day is beginning.
swestrup: (Default)
Today I got to play with some hardware. I was in the server room with another worker, and we were puttering around upgrading the firmware on a bunch of cards and making sure that our 'identical' servers really are set up the same.

I was having a good time, humming a little tune to myself, until I realized what I was humming.

It was John Waite's "I ain't missing you". I nearly broke down and cried again then.

January 2017

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