swestrup | Mantras and Money

I'm going to let the world in on a secret. I've never told anyone this, but its not something that I'm particularly trying to hide: I have a phrase that keeps going through my head. Its like a mantra in that it repeats and repeats throughout my waking moments. Whenever I shift mental gears, I hear the mantra. Whenever I try NOT to think about something, I hear the mantra. Whenever I have nothing in particular to think about, I hear the mantra.

Now, the mantra isn't fixed, and it has been many different phrases over the years. I don't remember when I first noticed it, but I'm fairly sure I didn't have it before moving to Montreal at age 13. I know its been stupid phrases like "I hate purple!", and denigrating phrases like "You're no good!" and many others.

A number of years ago I learned that I could, with some mental effort, change the phrase to whatever I wanted, so long as it was short. Since I've heard folks say that you can achieve your goals by repeating an aphorism about them, I did an experiment about 3 years ago and set it to "I want money". I thought it might help motivate me to get rich, since I like money but it never seems to motivate me much.

Well, since then I've varied it a bit. It has been "I need money" and is currently set at "I wish I had money". You'll note that the last three years have NOT been ones in which I've felt particularly motivated to go out and get money, so I have real doubts how well this idea has worked. The thing is, I often don't notice the mantra, since its there all the time and hovers at the edges of my conciousness. As a result I often forget to modify it if things don't change.

Anyway, on Friday I was walking along the very pleasant path from Lionel Groulx metro station to the house of

thebabynancy and enjoying the views. I'm sure I heard the mantra a few times during that walk, although I don't really remember it. What I do remember was getting to my destination and thinking that I was about to go up and ring the doorbell. I would then be greeted by good friends and spend the evening in a state of Happy Inebriation.

Just then, my Mantra went off, but to my astonishment, it had changed, all by itself. I heard the voice inside my head say, in tones of awe: "God, I'm rich!"

Since then, my Mantra has been much subdued. I have heard the "I wish I had money" only once or twice this weekend and it sounded without conviction. Maybe its time to change the mantra again, and maybe I already know what it should change to, thanks to my friends.