Missing You.

[swestrup]

Well, I guess I'm awake. I couldn't sleep last night, or more accurately, I didn't want to sleep last night. I knew that when I woke up today, azrhey would be gone. Close and good friends are rare in this world, and at any one time I only have a handful of them. Way back when I was writing about love in the wake of Deniz' death, I made a locked post to and about the six people in the world who mean the most to me, who I count as my closest friends, only one of whom isn't on LJ.

Things happen. Deniz, of course, is gone and the non-LJer has gotten a life and has drifted out of mine so although I still care for her deeply, I never see or talk to her any more. Since then, first thebabynancy and now azrhey have moved away. Of that list of six, there are now only 2 who I have any chance of seeing on a regular basis.

I will still keep in touch by phone, email, LJ, what-have-you, but I find that friendship is a high bandwidth thing. You can't linger over coffee on a terrace with someone by email. You can't hug someone by text message. And LJ is no substitute for long and deep conversations over a meal and a bottle (or two) of wine.

As a result I'm feeling lonely and abandoned and I KNOW its a terribly selfish way of looking at things, but I feel as if much of my support network has vanished, during the period in my life when I've needed it the most. I want nothing but the best for my friends, I just wish they could have found it closer to home.

Comments

[thebabynancy.livejournal.com]

hmmm, I think that it is unfortunate that you feel this way, but inevitable nonetheless. I think that I would feel the same more or less if I were in your position. However, I think that the time spent with people would be all the more precious... even it's something as short as holding court at la Gare Centrale... or getting a British Passport... or something. I am sad that I have left you feeling this way. But I am even more sad if that means that you stop looking forward to visits... and I hope that that is not the case... where/when I fit into the mix.


*hugs*

[swestrup]

I don't want you, or ANY of my friends to misunderstand. I still greatly look forwards to your visits, and any time I manage to spend with you is precious.

Its just that, distance makes some things impossible for me. I'm not someone who can pour my heart out over the phone to someone. If my week has been insane, and I think I'm losing my mind, you're no longer someone I can seek out to hold my hand while I vent. The same goes for my other distant friends.

Its not that you aren't my friends any more. Its that you aren't here to catch me when I fall.

[kyotto.livejournal.com]

*superhugs* yes... I know how it feels to have good friends leave your life or the country or what have you. I e-mailed the Tunisian peeps and I am having a hard time e-mailing them back.. it's very emotional... hummm... guess I should hunh?
And all day today... I don't think Pierre and Suz leaving has hit me... ok... a little... I can feel tears now... but all the more incentive to get my ass in guere and get a job and money to go see them :)


C.

[skjalm.livejournal.com]

That's a very familiar feeling. It sounds like you are also a "physical" person who likes to have/feel your friends near you.

One thing that has helped me (a little) when I've felt like that is to write good, oldfashioned pen-and-paper letters as that, to me, is a much more real and physical experience than simply e-mailing or text messaging.

I've never met any of you crazily wonderful Canadians. But knowing that you've been holding the postcards I've had in my hands somehow makes it all a bit more real. If that makes sense?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_grey_knight/]

Friendship IS a high bandwidth thing. Those shared experiences are what makes the relationship precious.

And as we grow older, there are fewer and fewer people we still have contact with, never mind close contact with, that knew us 'when'.

That, I think, is the bane of today's society.

But, change is good - it gives the opportunity to have new experiences, make new friends.

It's just not the same, I'll be the first to admit.