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swestrupSome time ago I wrote about my 'Emotional Buffer'. I wrote that post when I was the most depressed that I have ever been in my life.
At one point, long before that post was written, people used to tell me that I was a good listener and that I radiated calm. I never really saw myself as all that calm. I just felt normal, but I did often think that people around me were letting themselves get upset over relatively minor things.
As for being a good listener, I've never really figured out how that is something one gets good at. You just sit there and let people talk about whatever they want. You respond with an opinion when asked, but otherwise you just shut up and listen.
Then came adversity and strife in my life and what calmness I had went away. My ability to listen went away. It just *hurt* too much to listen to other people's problems when I had so many of my own. I was at an absolute nadir when that above post was written. I was a tiny shell of my former self, wracked by fear and doubt.
Things have improved since then, although I am nowhere near the calm and collected soul I once was. Some of the fears have been faced and lessened. Some have just grown less fearsome with familarity and repetition. My emotional buffer has been steadily draining as well. As it drains I find myself more willing to face up to some of my fears and deal with them. Hopefully this trend will continue.
It now takes noticibly more to upset me than it did even a few months ago, and I seem to have regained my ability to listen to people's problems. Once upon a time folks regularly came to me for advice, but that stopped a number of years ago. Lately though, I've had friends seeking me out again to talk to me and ask advice.
I take it as a sign that the healing process is well under way. I still have a long way to go, I think, but at least I'm now heading in the right direction.
At one point, long before that post was written, people used to tell me that I was a good listener and that I radiated calm. I never really saw myself as all that calm. I just felt normal, but I did often think that people around me were letting themselves get upset over relatively minor things.
As for being a good listener, I've never really figured out how that is something one gets good at. You just sit there and let people talk about whatever they want. You respond with an opinion when asked, but otherwise you just shut up and listen.
Then came adversity and strife in my life and what calmness I had went away. My ability to listen went away. It just *hurt* too much to listen to other people's problems when I had so many of my own. I was at an absolute nadir when that above post was written. I was a tiny shell of my former self, wracked by fear and doubt.
Things have improved since then, although I am nowhere near the calm and collected soul I once was. Some of the fears have been faced and lessened. Some have just grown less fearsome with familarity and repetition. My emotional buffer has been steadily draining as well. As it drains I find myself more willing to face up to some of my fears and deal with them. Hopefully this trend will continue.
It now takes noticibly more to upset me than it did even a few months ago, and I seem to have regained my ability to listen to people's problems. Once upon a time folks regularly came to me for advice, but that stopped a number of years ago. Lately though, I've had friends seeking me out again to talk to me and ask advice.
I take it as a sign that the healing process is well under way. I still have a long way to go, I think, but at least I'm now heading in the right direction.
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Date: 2006-05-01 03:54 am (UTC)And it's exceptionally difficult to empathize when you're in pain yourself.