swestrup | That Thing I did.

Everyone keeps doing these essay quiz things, so I decided to invent my own. I haven't filled it in yet, though. It took long enough just to work out the questions...

Meme Time Back at the Funny Farm

::BASICS
What is your name?
What is your quest?
To the nearest light year, how long is your world line?
On a scale of one to ten, how Elvis are you?
Are you housebroken?
Is your house broken?
What color is your halo?

::TEMPORALISING
When was the last time you had elbows?
How often do you change your oil?
What is the next major task you plan to put off?
In retrospect, how would you answer this question differently?
Whats the most recent thing that you can't remember?
When did you last do something you weren't supposed to?
Did last thursday happen, or is it a figment of your now?
Given an extra day in the week, where would you put it?

::ACTIVITIES
If gravity worked the other way, would you skydive?
If you had a favorite extreme sport, what would it be?
Would you buy fractal lego?
How many times have you nearly died?
How many times have you actually died?
Whats the tallest height you've jumped from?
Can you do a backflip in full plate mail?
Can you do a belly flop in full plate mail?
What is the most fearsome animal you have ever stared down?

::ESTHETICS
What piece of art do you most like, that your friends all hate?
What is your favorite shoe size?
What equation best models your taste in breakfast cereals?
What art project would you undertake, given the time and money?
Whats your favorite joke that no one gets?
What artistic endeavour are you most proficient at?
Name two art objects that would be improved by being fused together.

::WHATS MY PROBLEM
Have you ever been raped by saucer aliens?
How many times?
When was the most recent occurance?
How many were there?
Was one of them blue with orange tentacles?
Did it call itself Grzblat?
Do you know how to contact it?

::BODILY FUNCTIONS
Do any of your internal organs have nicknames?
Can you rotate your belly button?
Is the general trend in your body-part count increasng or decreasing?
Can you voluntarily dislocate any body parts?
Can you voluntarily disconnect any body parts?
Which is your most dexterous orifice?

::MENTATION
What is the stupidest thing you believe?
What is the most complex thing you find self evident?
Explain why you wouldn't answer this if it were a question.
How many thoughts can you think at once?
How few thoughts can you think at once?
How does your mental image differ from your actual one?
What do you do when thinking fails you?
If I run rings around you logically, does your penguin explode?
Are there any mental 'flaws' that you envy?

::EXISTENTIALISM
If aren't real, how are you answering this?
If you are real, why are you answering this?
If you were once real, who is answering this?
What would 4 out of 5 of you recommend?
What is your philosophy of being?
What is your philosophy of non-being?

::SOCIALISM
Describe your most embarassing moment in the form of a question.
Do your friends mind if you juggle knives?
Are there any excuses that you've worn out?
What is the ratio of your friends to acquaintances?
If I give you chocolate, will you be my friend?
What is the largest group you feel socially comforatable in?
What is the most social group you feel largely comfortable in?

::SYNETHESIA
Can you hear with your eyes?
Can you see with your ears?
Can you imagine the flavour of walk in the autumn rain?
What is the loudest color you can smell?
How long can you hold your taste?
What sounds make you cough?

::PONDERABLES
Name three impossible objects you would want with you on a deserted island.
If you had a super power based on a platonic solid, an obscene gerund and a mythic object, what would it be?
If you didn't know something that you do know, what would it be?
If your remote control had only one button, why would that be?
If addition weren't commutative, what would shoes look like?
Why did you answer these questions?