Help!

Nov. 6th, 2003 02:28 am
swestrup: (Default)
[personal profile] swestrup
Ya gotta help me! My brain and I had this big fight, and so I kicked it out of the house and told it to never come back. You see, it wanted me to think these <shudder> horrible thoughts! And in a totally inane style! I couldn't take it anymore. I told it we were through... But I've been hearing strange noises outside, and I found a window unlatched earlier. I think its stalking me! It may even already be in the house! Please do Somethi



Like, don't pay any attention the stuff above, okay? I think I wasn't, like, feeling mysefl, but I'm better now, okay? So, anyway, like, today's topic is shower safety on a starship. So, if you've, like, installed one of them, uh, whatsit, matter relpicators in the, um, top of your shower stall, like with a console and everything, eh? But its set for continuous matter stream, okay? So that way you could, um, well you can tell folks that you can have like, salt-water showers with built in emullions and oils and stuffs, but is like, really cause you want mangoes, okay? Well, maybe not mangoes. Maybe graipefruts or squishy black bananas. But, its NOT WEIRD, OKAY. Its like, individuality and self-expression and stuff BUT ITS NOT WEIRD. Uh. So. Anyway, then, uh, like, don't, like, stand right under the shower, while, like adjusting the temperature of the mangoes, cause, well, if you're, not really awake yet, cause you haven't had a shower yet, or like, maybe you started with some like psychtropic smoke or something adn youre kinda buzzed? Then you could goof, and like, if you're lucky you get bunnies, but if you're NOT then you could like hit the button Sussy progged when she was there, but like hre name is more Susschagnork cause she's Kligon, right? And she's set the damn thing for like, hatchets and razor blades man? Well, okay, so it could have been worse. I like slipped on a bunny and fell outta the stall, so like I just, like, got sorta, sideswiped. But like, if your a guy, you may not exactsly NNEED all your nipples, but like, you WANNA KEEP THEM. So, uh, ouch. Yeah. And another thing. If you keep coming out fo the showwer kind a buzzed? Amnd, like, not showing up on time for hydropincs duties at the agrigarium, and the boss is THE Sgt Bitch who won't let it slide and hates your guts cause shes vulcan and so doesnt like fun and so... so you've left a running lownmower out side the stall to, like remind you? And then you're like WHOA and like MY NIPPLE! DON'T LET IT GO DOWN THE DRAIN! and OH FUCK! cause you've nose dived into the lawnmower and like lost the end of your nose. So... Anyway I guess I yelled something, like, to the puter cause I was autoported over to sickbay. So like the doc is really okay man, cause she's like, the one who gave me the smoke recipe? Anyway, so she bonds my nose back on, and like has this gizmer, and, its already set, to ADD NIPPLE so that's fixed. But, uh, when I asked her for another smoke recipe with like more tingle and less buzz, she went in the uther room and I, well, its NORMAL okay? but I... added a few spare nipples, okay? I figure I won't be caught short again. Any way Doc is like, real sympathetic and offers to try out my new recipe later at my place and like, gets me a day medical discharge cause I'm now totally way late for agro duty. But if this had happened when, i dunno, some hard assed velantian was on sickbay duty, like LAST time? Man, I would still be missing a nipple and having to take ANOTHER technical safety course and have EVEN MORE demerits on my file. So like BE CAREFFUL, okay?

Re: The problem is...

Date: 2003-11-06 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sps.livejournal.com
Well that explains why you keep falling down. Think of your nipples, man!

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