That Time of Night
Oct. 30th, 2003 03:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
swestrupI just went downstairs to make myself a cup of tea, take out the trash and put away some dishes. While I was puttering around in the kitchen, an infomercial was playing on the TV. At first I tuned it out, but slowly it dawned on me just how inane it was. It went something like this:
Introducing the MasoClimber HeartBlaster 3000!!!
Everyone knows that the three best traditional cardio workout machines are treadmills, stair-climbers and repetitive weight systems. The trouble is that using these systems takes more time than today's busy public can spend on bodily upkeep, so we're introducing the new MasoClimber! It combines all three machines in one, so that you are getting a treadmill, stairclimbing, weightlifting experience, all at once! With most machines the first ten or so minutes of exercise are needed to get you into that fat burning zone, but not with this baby! The moment you start the HeartBlaster and step on, you'll feel the burn. It will immediately start in your ankles, spread up your legs and thighs, encompass your glutes, abs and pects, and quickly give you a whole-body burn!
That's because this device accurately simulates the exercise you would get climbing a 70 degree hill that's knee-deep in clinging mud, on Jupiter, with some sort of alien elephantine brain-sucking creature riding on your shoulders!
Fred here has only been on the machine for 10 minutes, and already his heart, lungs and entire cardio system have experienced close to the equivalent of 16 years of normal daily activity! Just imagine what this machine could do for you! Now you don't need to spend hours sweating in a Gym. You can get an incredible physical workout in minutes with the MasoClimber CardioBlaster 3000! Just a 30 minute session, three times every day, will change your body in ways you never imagined possible. Within weeks, you will be totally unrecognizable and a completely different person! Without access to dental records, even your doctor won't believe its you!
Not only all that, but this dandy device costs far less than you might expect once you've heard that it is, in fact, excruciatingly expensive. Thats right! For far less than an overly excessive imagination may have dreamed possible, you can purchase this miracle of modern technology and start sculpting your physique tomorrow!
For the first time I'm starting to think that maybe exercise machines need more government regulation than is currently provided.
Introducing the MasoClimber HeartBlaster 3000!!!
Everyone knows that the three best traditional cardio workout machines are treadmills, stair-climbers and repetitive weight systems. The trouble is that using these systems takes more time than today's busy public can spend on bodily upkeep, so we're introducing the new MasoClimber! It combines all three machines in one, so that you are getting a treadmill, stairclimbing, weightlifting experience, all at once! With most machines the first ten or so minutes of exercise are needed to get you into that fat burning zone, but not with this baby! The moment you start the HeartBlaster and step on, you'll feel the burn. It will immediately start in your ankles, spread up your legs and thighs, encompass your glutes, abs and pects, and quickly give you a whole-body burn!
That's because this device accurately simulates the exercise you would get climbing a 70 degree hill that's knee-deep in clinging mud, on Jupiter, with some sort of alien elephantine brain-sucking creature riding on your shoulders!
Fred here has only been on the machine for 10 minutes, and already his heart, lungs and entire cardio system have experienced close to the equivalent of 16 years of normal daily activity! Just imagine what this machine could do for you! Now you don't need to spend hours sweating in a Gym. You can get an incredible physical workout in minutes with the MasoClimber CardioBlaster 3000! Just a 30 minute session, three times every day, will change your body in ways you never imagined possible. Within weeks, you will be totally unrecognizable and a completely different person! Without access to dental records, even your doctor won't believe its you!
Not only all that, but this dandy device costs far less than you might expect once you've heard that it is, in fact, excruciatingly expensive. Thats right! For far less than an overly excessive imagination may have dreamed possible, you can purchase this miracle of modern technology and start sculpting your physique tomorrow!
For the first time I'm starting to think that maybe exercise machines need more government regulation than is currently provided.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 10:32 pm (UTC)