Confession

[swestrup]

I'm not sure that this Live Journal thing is working the way I had hoped it would. You see, I do write in it regularly, but I don't write the important stuff, the stuff thats in my head. I've noticed that there have been any number of things that have happened in the months since starting this that I haven't written a word about, because they were too important to me in one way or another. I guess I'm just not someone who is good at baring my soul.

Here's a stupid example: about 2 weeks ago I started writing a book. Now, thats not a big secret. I'm even writing it with two other people. The thing is, I didn't mention it because I didn't want to, I dunno, somehow jinx the entire project by announcing it to the world.

And thats a minor item. I find I can't even HINT at some of the things in my life that are more important. So, as a journal of my inner states, LJ has been a major flop. It has let me keep track of my daily activities, or sort of. I find I often say 'a meeting' rather than who I'm meeting or why. Or 'going to a friends house', without specifying who. 20 years from now, I'll never be able to figure out exactly what I was doing.

Still, it has encouraged me to write more, and more often, and I've met a bunch of interesting people this way, so I'm not about to stop writing in this thing. I'm just a little... disappointed with myself for not feeling free to express myself fully.

Comments

[azrhey.livejournal.com]

well we are all like that to a degree !!

*hugz*

[amberbutterfly7.livejournal.com]

I for one hope you DON'T stop writing in here. It's a positive thing no matter what you put down. Besides, I just friended you and so you HAVE to stay! ;>)

[ellenk.livejournal.com]

If you want to put something down and not bare your soul, you can designate it "private" and nobody else but you sees it. I've done that a number of times.

Personally, I joined this LJ thing to more easily keep in touch with my friends.

[auriam.livejournal.com]

Do what I do.. keep a private journal, a real paper-and-ink one, and in THAT one write what you don't want anyone else to read. Or, if you're the really paranoid type.. (I was thinking of this), you can always write it up on a computer, on a partition encrypted with PGPdisk, and never let it leave an encrypted state. *smiles*.. don't rely on LJ alone for your journalling needs ;)

[taxlady.livejournal.com]

I like your idea of putting it on an encrypted partition. My mother read my diary when I was a teenager and I've never been able to keep a journal since then (nearly 40 years ago). I like LJ for keeping in touch with friends and for journaling.

[auriam.livejournal.com]

Or, you could always write it by hand, but use a very esoteric language or alphabet.. I was thinking tengwar/quenya/sindarin, but with the LotR movies so popular, they're going to become far more widespread now.. *smiles*.. and I'm glad, actually, I love Elvish..

[swestrup]

Thanks for all of the replies and support. No, I don't plan to quit LJ any time soon. You're all stuck with me :-). The above was far more of an observation of what I had thought writing on LJ would be like, versus the results. I did say in my first post waaaay back when that I considered it a bit of an experiment.

I have tried the private journal thing, but it doesn't work for me. I certainly don't use the LJ privacy feature, because I frankly don't trust its security. As for a private at-home journal, I find the idea of writing something down that NO ONE will ever see to be rather strange. It just seems easier to leave it in my head. As is I probably have a dozen pages of journal from as many attempts to keep one over the last 30 years, none of which is really worth keeping. So, while I don't find LJ to work as well for me as I had hoped, it certainly works better than anything else I've tried yet. The experiment continues.