Selection Pressure

[swestrup]

I have noticed recently (not for the first time, by any means) that very many of my friends are bisexual. Also, very many of my friends are polyamorous. The statistics are very much different than what one would get if one chose friends randomly from the overall population.

Now, of course, I don't choose friends randomly. I'm highly selective (judging by the fact that I have only a small group of good friends, not hundreds). That said, sexuality and polyness are not criteria I use to select friends. I have friends who are pretty much straight, or pretty much gay, or pretty much monoamorous (is that a word?), and it is NOT an issue.

So, what's going on? I can only assume that there is some statistical correlation between the criteria I do use (intelligence, humor, geekiness, etc) and both bisexuality and/or polyness. I wonder if there has ever been a study on the statistics of this.

Comments

[blacksquiggles.livejournal.com]

I've wondered the same thing...

[metawidget]

It seems to me that the poly and geekdom correlation is pretty much assumed... or maybe it's just people that like consciously slapping a neologism and maybe some graph theory on their personal life and theorizing gender performance tend to be geeks :P

[kishiriadgr.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of it has to do with reading Heinlein. No really, I'm serious. He's provided a lot of people with alternate models of marriage during their impressionable years. Heck, he's the reason why my own brain doesn't blow up at the idea of egalitarian polygamy. After reading "Stranger in a Strange Land" having a mere two partners seems conservative.

[swestrup]

Sounds likely!

[swestrup]

Hmmm. Maybe. I dunno. I remember reading about Line Marriages in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress and thinking they sounded basically unworkable.

By that time I already knew that polygamy/polyandry were practiced in other human cultures and I just assumed it was RAH's attempt to go one further.

Stranger in a Strange Land never even made a blip on my radar. The sexuality in it seemed (except for the super-powers aspect) perfectly normal.

[terheyt.livejournal.com]

I'll agree with the RAH theory to a certain extent, but only because reading his works tends (not infallibly) to teach critical thinking, especially about your own behaviours.

The main and major quality that is necessary to a successful poly relationship is brutal self-honesty about your own emotions and needs. You have to be able to analyse what you are feeling, what is contributing to that emotion, and how to deal with it productively and healthily. These are skills that I picked up in a variety of places (and continue to refine), but I got my introductory course from Heinlein's writings (Stranger hit me at just that the right time in my development).

There is also a theory of sexuality that 5% of the population is actually straight, 5% is gay, and the other 90% fall along a sliding scale in between called bi-sexuality. If this theory holds true (and I think it might, in a broad strokes way, perhaps not in the details), then that same process of introspection would lead to discovery of this. In other words, most of the population calling themselves straight or (to a much lesser extent) gay actually falls along this continuum, but has yet to admit it to themselves, or realise it.

These thought processes and tools are also qualities that make for good friends, and ones I look for in my friends. That's the correlation, I think. I noticed this same thing among my friends years ago, nd this is the conclusion I came to.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

I remember, many, many moons ago (more than 10 years now!), reading an appendix of the Jargon File going over the stereotypical hacker, and being totally amazed at how well I matched it, except for the food and sexual habits sections. Turns out I hadn't had proper asian food yet, and, uh, the other stuff.

[sfllaw.livejournal.com]

I have pondered the reasons for this correlation and I think I've picked up on the keystone.

We're all intelligent, and we all believe in the power of rationality. So we like to deconstruct norms and traditions to their basic forms and discard things we see as irrelevant. That's why you see this high correlation. Because people don't evaluate an arbitrarily narrow path as rational.

Now, I don't believe this is the sole cause. But it certainly is a major factor in explaining the link between the two.

[sfllaw.livejournal.com]

You're absolutely correct.

But we're trying to identify why his specific friends behave this way. And the common thread between them is that many are biased towards rationality.