Tired.

I'm awake again. I'm also emotionally drained and feeling exhausted. I've been reading from denizsarikaya's friends list, for reasons that I cannot really analyze right now. There are a number of folks there whose journals I've had occasion to read there over the years, so I just might friend a few of them. It seems only right. A large number of the people here on LJ that I've come to know and love, I met through Deniz in the first place, either IRL or on LJ.

Emotionally Drained.

Ever since meeting Deniz' mother and brother yesterday, I've been feeling emotionally drained -- all cried out. I find that I can actually write a bit about Deniz now, because the pain has receded to a deep aching sadness, rather than the sharp bursts of sorrow I've been dealing with for the last several days. I've been feeling as if there was a raw bleeding wound in my psyche where the comforting warmth of her presense used to reside. Now its just an aching void.

( Rambling Reminiscences -- skip if you find this too painful to read now. )

Finally, it may be selfish, but I'm glad I told her that I loved her while she was still alive. Its something that I decided to start doing when I turned 40; making sure that people knew how much I cared for them. At the time I was thinking more of my own mortality than theirs, but I'm glad I made the effort nonetheless. At least its one thing I did share before she left us. There are just so many other things I had looked forward to sharing with her over the years to come. Years that have been stolen from us -- from all of us.

Love.

I just got an SMS message of Love and reassurance from taxlady that she's arrived safe and sound. My day just got a little brighter.