I know that this can be a touchy subject for some people... and the situation with medical care differs significantly country to country... but have you ever considered any "therapy" and / or antidepressant medication? I know that I went through a long long long period of time with much of the same feelings that you seem to show in your journal... and it wasn't until I got on antidepressant meds (at the right dosage - which is a bit trial and error) before I started feeling like a 'real person again". It helped SOOOO much for me. In fact, 2+ years later... I am now in the slow process of backing off of the meds to eventually come off of them.

Regardless, I do hope that you can feel better soon. I know that it is hard to do with some of the things that you have going on... and with the lack of sleep. However know that insomnia is a common symptom of clinical depression.