Still here, still sick. Feeling lonely and depressed and unloved. Bleah. Sometimes I wish I could just reach inside my skull and fix myself. I have many friends who are great and wonderful people and yet they don't believe it of themselves. (You know who you are. You're the people on my f-list who just thought "he doesn't mean me.") Because of this, I can tell when the shoe is on the other foot, and I can catch myself doing what they do. So, intellectually I know that I'm a worthwhile person and that I have loving friends, but on days like today, I find it very hard to convince myself of that.
Being sick doesn't help. I feel fine one minute and sick as a dog the next, so I start getting my hopes up that I'll be able to go out and interact with the real world, and then BAM I'm too sick to do anything again. I just woke up with a massive headache and a gut-wrenching stomache ache. I've taken painkillers and I'm drinking real coffee in the hopes that helps. We'll see. Meanwhile there's tons of stuff I need to get done before the 21st and I was planning to be halfway done by now. Instead I haven't even started.
I haven't been posting much of substance, mainly because all I have to say about myself is 'still sick', but also I feel guilty whinging about what seems to be some minor virus. I have frineds with strep throat, chicken pox, and far more serious diseases who read this. It seems awfully self-indulgent to whine about how sick I am while they're dealing with life-long conditions that aren't going to just go away in another week or so. So, on top of everything else, this is making me feel shallow.
In other news, I just woke up from a strange dream in which a rich industrialist was giving me a tour of his mansion which he had designed himself. The only trouble was, some of his friends had had a wild party in the west wing the night before and hadn't cleaned up after themselves as they had promised. Every room he tried to show me was trashed. He kept getting more and more upset as we went along. He also slowly morphed in
archdiva. I have no idea what that means.