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I went to bed around 2:00 am, but couldn't sleep. Too much going on in my head.

I went for a long walk today, in search of a coffee shop wherein to kill a few hours until I could meet up with [livejournal.com profile] taxlady for supper. I hadn't given a lot of consideration to my route, just followed the metro line under the assumption that there had to be a coffee shop along there somewhere. Then, suddenly I discovered that I was at Cote Ste. Catherine metro, a place I strongly associate with visiting [livejournal.com profile] denizsarikaya when she was alive and just a short block from the place where she died.

I felt my throat constricting when I saw the metro. I hadn't realized that seeing it again would have that kind of effect on me. I kept walking and a few blocks later started to feel better, but those feelings all came back when I lay down to sleep tonight.

I figured I would play some solitaire while listening to music to lull me back to sleep, but one of the first songs that came up on random shuffle was "I Ain't Missing You", which has become inextricably linked in my mind to denzo's passing last year. I sat and cried as the song played; the first time I've cried for her in months.

I am now in even worse shape emotionally than I was before. I don't think I'll be falling asleep any time soon so I may as well go get myself a cup of coffee and pretend my day is beginning.
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I'm awake again, despite having decided not to set my alarm to wake up now. The reason for this is that I, once again, couldn't fall asleep last night. So, here I am, awake anyway. That means that, once again, I've only gotten four hours sleep, and I feel awful as a result. Bleah.

Snore...

Aug. 2nd, 2003 05:52 am
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I should be asleep right now but I inexplicably woke up at 5:00 after only a few hours sleep and haven't managed to fall asleep again. I started reading some of my science-related e-mail and came across this:

Virtual Food Simulator

Its a device which can be placed in the mouth and can be chewed to produce various flavor and/or texture sensations. Some illistrative quotes are:

"When someone chews the device, a sensor registers the force of the bite and a motor provides appropriate resistance. To augment the experience, a thin tube squirts a mixture of flavourings onto the tongue. The chemicals stimulate the five basic taste sensations: sweet, sour, bitter, salty and umami - the taste of monosodium glutamate. Meanwhile, a tiny speaker plays back the sound of a chewing jawbone in the user's ear."

"The technology can also be entertaining - for the researcher at the controls, at least. By suddenly changing the properties of a food in mid-chew - from a cracker to a jelly, say - the result is uniquely funny, says Iwata."
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So I'm looking for fun quizes to take. So far: I am 53% Evil Genius

Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings.

Take the Evil Genius Test at fuali.com

I would have done better but too few of my henchfriends are ninjas.
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So, I had this plan see, I was going to move to Fiji, and get a goat and a cow, and raise horses...

Wait no, that was someone else's plan. My plan was to regularize my sleeping by trying to get to bed by midnight and up by 10:00 am. It actually worked yesterday, although it took me some 45 minutes to actually drag myself out of bed when the alarm went off at 10. So, like, why is it this time of night, and I'm just NOW thinking of bed? I dunno. I think my circadian rhythm must be worse than a hall full of first-year drum students, all playing different tunes.

Anyway, I try sleep now.

Bleergh

May. 10th, 2003 05:04 am
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Woke up in the middle of the night again and couldn't fall back asleep. At least yesterday [livejournal.com profile] taxlady and I did some propper grocery shopping for the first time in well over a month, and we now have some creme de cacao which makes a wonderful nightcap called a chocolate cow (which is just a shot of creme de cacao in a glass of milk, a sort of alchoholic chocolate milk), which I am about to go and have some of. That should help me fall back asleep.

We also looked for
Advocaat which is an egg liqueur and Cherry Herring which is a cherry liqueur, but the SAQ (the local booze monopoly) doesn't carry either.
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Woke up and had trouble getting back to sleep, so I thought I would surf the net for a bit. I found this gem:

They think I'm a god.

Anyway, I'm off to bed again, to see if I can recapture that dream... I had my life to live over again, but THIS time I was going to get to be evil... Muahahahaha...
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I went for a walk today with SPS, as we are wont to do during the summer months, and I managed to trip and fall, damaging my left knee and right side. I somehow managed to unexpectedly step with half of one foot off the sidewalk, and then lost my balance. In the moment before I hit, I had a choice of:

  1. Aiming for the hard sidewalk

  2. Aiming for a metal lamp post

  3. Aiming for the hard packed earth


I chose option number 3, but since the only earth was in a tiny spot between the lamp and the sidewalk, I had to twist to land there, and ended up elbowing myself in the right side, and hitting my left knee on the sidewalk anyway. The knee seemed fine, and didn't even bleed, but I've discovered since getting home that I don't want to try deep knee bends if I want to avoid agony. The worst part is the large bruise on my right side. I was afraid for a bit that I had cracked a rib, but now I think I just bruised the bone. In any event, I can't sleep on my right side, like I normally do, since that ends up with all of my (not inconsiderable) weight on my bruised ribs. If I try to lay on the other side, the mere pressure of my arm lying on my ribs is very painful. That pretty much leaves me trying to sleep on either my stomach or my back, two positions in which I don't sleep well. And if I move, I wake up. As a result, here I am at just past 5:00 am typing here, rather than catching my Zzzzs.

All of which is a roundabout explanation of why I've been playing around with the colors, fonts and emoticons of my journal. I have no idea what the final esthetic results will be, since I am not only brain-dead from lack of sleep, I'm red-green color blind to boot.

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